Today seems to be another of those "Gosh, I wish I could translate every comic in existence" days. Beetle Bailey has General Halftrack gazing adoringly at a picture of someone he says is Ronald Reagan, though the guy actually looks more like Adolph Hitler. B.C. makes fun of accordion players.* Blondie waxes poetic on the beauty of the obsolete; outmoded stuff, it claims, will one day become popular again. Crock has two characters debating that age-old question, "What do women want?", while standing on top of a phallus-shaped tower. Hagar the Horrible reinforces the solid medieval truth that a woman's place is in the home. The Marvin colourists make the mistake of covering Marvin with chocolate ice cream, in the process causing him to look as if he has had a bowel movement and smeared feces all over his body. Marmaduke involves the Really Big Dog preparing to eat an entire boys' football team. Spider-Man gives us a hero who faints after he is knocked down by water.**
However, I think I'm going to have to go with my first impulse and choose Archie. It's been a while since we've checked on Brother Francis, the breast-obsessed young monk who has never exchanged words with a woman in his life. Today, we see Brother Francis projecting his libido onto his young hero. Just take a look at the direction of Archie's gaze there. Veronica may be expressing noble, albeit patently false, sentiments as she projects little hearts into the air with her mind, but Archie's brain is clearly going, "BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES BOOBIES." The grin is not Archie being suave; it is Archie achieving orgasm.
Brother Francis tries to cover up his personal stake in the content of the comic by giving it a flimsy frame that simply parrots everything he's ever heard about women: they claim to exist only for the men in their lives, they actually exist only for the money in their lives, and they project little hearts into the air with their minds. The antifeminist stereotyping may also very well be the good brother's attempt to convince himself that women really are the root of all evil. The guilt that he feels every time his thoughts stray to breasts has made him overcompensate by vilifying not himself but the wicked creatures who cause his sin.
Note that in the second panel, Veronica's breasts have disappeared. Fight it, Brother Francis. Fight the lure of the evil, evil mammaries. You can do it. And if you can't, you can always nip into your cell for a bit of private time.
*I am the scourge of cartoonists who make fun of accordion players...the scourge, I say. Mock accordionists at your own risk, Hack Writers of Doom!
**Some of these links will continue to work forever; some may not. Curse you, Inconsistent but Otherwise Useful Houston Chronicle comics page.