While the Keane kids continue their insane, miscoloured Hallowe'en adventures, which have evidently gone on all night, the crew over at B.C. have finally gone completely off the deep end. I figured the utterly mad Batman comics had taken B.C. into a realm of chaotic weirdness, but today, I have learned that those strips marked the beginning, not the end, of the journey. Today, ladies and gentlemen, B.C. gives us a hilarious non sequitur and unexpected breasts on a tree.
I do not understand today's B.C. If I squiddle my eyes around just so--a trick I have learned while trying to derive even tiny slivers of meaning from hopelessly terrible student papers--I can see a distant connection between the word "kickoff" and the word "death"; this connection, along with the stunned state of the anonymous B.C. character in panel three,* does not at all justify the invocation of Dr. Kevorkian, who would probably not want to euthanise someone who had just kicked himself in the nose. Unless the little man is ultra-flexible and has kicked so hard that he has somehow driven bits of cartilage up into his brain, he is probably just mildly stunned. Bafflement is mine.
Even more baffling are those tree breasts. Leaving aside the fact that B.C. takes place in prehistoric times, when--y'know--there were no phones, 1) old-fashioned phones do not look like that, and 2) why must the phone be old-fashioned-looking, anyway? Does "obsolete" now automatically equal "prehistoric"? If you're going to have a phone in prehistoric times, why not make it out of stone so that it actually looks like a part of prehistory? It won't make the joke any less stupid, but it will certainly avoid the necessity of giving the tree breasts.**
The strip may do a little better as medieval allegory. The Roman de la Rose is full of suggestive bits involving a besieged rose...and some...penetration...of the rose...kind of...and...at any rate, the Roman de la Rose is the sort of text that would probably welcome a tree with breasts. Dr. Kevorkian can, allegorically, represent Death, Time, Change, or all three, whereas the anonymous footballer is, once again, Everyman. The Coach is probably his Good Deeds (Everyman, I will go with thee, and be thy guide). The football...is...the football is...er...
The meaning of the football is lost in the mists of time!*** It is also outside the scope of this paper! I shall stand behind that statement! Have a good weekend! Thank you, and good night!
*Can you tell them apart? I can't tell them apart. Some of the male characters have distinguishing features, but the others could all be the same person. What's the point, Hart Descendants? Can't you give one of them a mole?
**It is not a necessity to me. It may be a necessity to some people.
***And, simultaneously, stolen from Peanuts.