Saturday, November 8, 2008

Not Even Chaucer Was This Raunchy on Purpose

The medieval monk who writes the daily Archie strip has been at it again. This time, however, he does not attempt to draw teenage girls and the startlingly huge breasts that are constantly causing him to undergo quite a lot of penance. The monk has attempted, this week, to take a bit of a break from breasts. I am not entirely convinced that he realises how blatantly he is demonstrating exactly what, despite all the praying, is constantly on his mind.

Why fixate on breasts when you've got allegorical dog sex? In this comic, Jughead's dog attempts to rape what Jughead seems to regard as a sexy young poodle. Hot Dog has, rather disturbingly, always reminded me of a man in a dog suit; the furry implications make my bowels shiver. It doesn't help that his tail is so very...erect. As well, the fact that the little dog on TV is apparently laughing and flinging her ears back in the fashion of Paris Hilton causes me to lose all faith in humanity.

Our Archie-creating monk has no idea there is anything odd about this comic. He sees nothing wrong with the phrase "comes on,"* and he is not squicked out by the illustration of the randy dog ravaging an electronic device, perhaps partly because he has never encountered an electronic device in his life. As far as he's concerned, Hot Dog's lust is perfectly understandable. Who wouldn't drool over such a lovely bi--er...female creature? Trapped in the confines of his cell as he is, the monk can only shake his head sagely over the dog's sin and completely miss the innuendos he has sprinkled throughout the comic.** He can remain smugly secure in his purity of spirit while demonstrating to the world that he is actually thinking: SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX!

*The pun on "comes" would have worked in the Middle Ages. Monks may not have understood it, but I'm kind of betting that many of them would have.
**Up to and including "Bonk!"


Jeff Lee said...

He sees nothing wrong with the phrase "comes on,"

This particular monk has ever been so with bawdy slang.

Angry Kem said...

He is not a very worldly monk.

Michael said...

In the real world, male dogs are attracted to female dogs (aka made horny) when the female is in heat. The stimulus is sex pheromones given off by the female. Sight has little to do with canine sexual attraction.

Humans are one of the few species to indulge in sex when females are not in oestrus.

Angry Kem said...

Michael: To be fair, some dogs--male or female--will hump anything. My aunt's female cocker spaniel used to become rather fond of various legs. I once saw a dog (sex undetermined) trying to mount my cocker spaniel, which was spayed. Some dogs just sort of have to get some, no matter whether there is any some to get. However, I'm not sure that bumping into a television nose-first counts as "getting some." Perhaps the Archie monk isn't entirely sure how this whole sex thing works.