Tuesday, October 28, 2008

An Open Letter to the Best Cartoonists Ever

Dear Creators of Crock:

I am writing to commend you on your recent series of comics dealing with the starvation policies of the French Foreign Legion. There are some, of course, who claim that there is no series and that you are simply brain-dead zombies who do not particularly care when you end up recycling a joke that you used just nineteen days before, but I have faith in you. I believe in your mission to bring this terrible, terrible situation to the attention of the world, or at least the three or four world dwellers who still follow your comic strip.

Your swift return to the subject of shoe consumption is appreciated, especially since the idea's medieval repercussions raise the spectre of cannibalism. I am also pleased by the current variation, in which Crock is dismayed by the fact that one of the legionnaires is either a cross-dresser or a woman. Obviously, it would be appalling if someone other than a badly drawn straight white man managed to enter the ranks. We denizens of the fourteenth--er, twenty-first--er, whatever--century must take arms against a sea of people not like us. We also must destroy the Internet. It is Satan. I'm sure you agree.

Your edgy humour, which does not at all steal from M*A*S*H and probably a lot of other army-related books and films I have not read or seen because I'm just not that interested, thrills me. I wish you would contact Mr. Chaucer and ask him if he would turn your wonderful story into a verse romance. I just know he would do a fantastic job of it.

Please keep up the good work. Your gripping comic is keeping me right on the edge of my seat. What will happen next? Who will eat whom? Why does your current "starvation" comic follow hard upon that "Grossie is a bad cook" comic? Is she cooking shoes? Is she? The suspense is killing me. What a good job you are doing, creators of Crock.

Yours sincerely,

Angry Kem


Michael said...

Having spend 20 years in the U.S. Navy* I have a better appreciation of military humor** than you. However, let me assure you that Crock is not military humour.*** While much military humor is broad, with a heavy hint of gallows humour, most of it has one quality sorely lacking in Crock. Military humor tends to be funny.

*AKA lifer.
**Or humour, if you prefer.
***Or any other type of merriment, badinage, jesting, levity, drollery, jocularity, or various other kinds of wit.

Angry Kem said...

What...you're suddenly expecting humour to be funny? Well, that's just unreasonable. Where would our newspaper comics be today if humour had to be funny? My God...next you'll be claiming that food should be edible and trees should be made of wood. What kind of crazy world do you live in? Geez.

Michael said...

Thanks, Kem. Now I have To Dream the Impossible Dream as an earworm.