Sunday, October 19, 2008

Becoming Creepy, Stanley...Becoming Very Creepy

It was nearly a month ago that we checked up on Stanley and Harriet, the bizarrely angular bulging frog-people of The Better Half. Stanley, wearing a terrifying orange cat suit, was explaining to a bemused Harriet that he was having a midlife crisis and wanted to quit his job in order to become a cat.

You thought it was random, didn't you? You thought the cartoonist had closed his eyes and stabbed his dictionary multiple times with a hat-pin until he had selected enough words to make a sentence, then drawn the resulting bit of absurdity. No. I am sorry to say that in the sad, sad world of The Better Half, that cat cartoon exemplified continuity. The story continues today and will probably return at intervals until all the cartoonists willing to draw this...thing...are dead.*

Mercifully, the cat suit is not back. Ominously, the cat reference is. Now Stanley is plotting to steal his cat's identity so that he can spend the day sleeping. It makes absolutely no sense at all in any context, though it does vaguely count as one of those clumsy cartoonist-flavoured attempts to come to terms with the incomprehensibility of modern times. I'm afraid one of our labouring monks is responsible for this one.

This particular monk, stuck day and night in his medieval cell, has heard vague, confusing rumours about the existence of something called "identity theft." What, he wonders, could it possibly be? How can someone's very identity be stolen? Surely this is the devil's work! More worldly monks try to explain the concept to him, but his life experience is so narrow that he still doesn't really get it and somehow feels it would be utterly hilarious to portray a man as trying to steal the identity of his cat. He has, in the past, had Stanley admiring the lifestyle of cats, so this latest venture seems a natural step.

Luckily for his peace of mind, he has not heard of furry porn.**

*Or the world explodes. Whichever happens first.
**Dear People Who Googled "Furry Porn" and Accidentally Found This Site: Hi. No, there isn't any. Try the next link.

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